31 tasks

Completed Task #6: Date

March 25, 2009 at 12:14 am | Posted in Completed tasks | Leave a comment

I recently came across a poll listing the top ten first-date errors, that would have a potential partner running for the hills.  I’m going to attempt to explore the rationale behind these, whilst also revealing how I cleverly avoided these faux pas when I went speed-dating last week.  At least I think I avoided them…

What not to do:

1. Clicking fingers at the waiter.

For ‘waiter’, read ‘Colin’ – the cheeky chappy responsible for keeping order at this particular singles evening.  He greeted, laid down the ground rules and got everyone settled.  If anything, the attention grabbing was done by himself – on this night the boys outnumbered the girls slightly, so Colin invited the guys up to the bar during the gaps for a little manly huddle with a side order of comparing notes.  Back in the real world, it’s gratifying to see that discourtesy is so severely frowned upon.  Well done, random poll people.

2. Adding salt to the meal before tasting it.

Er…really?  Number 2?  Now I know a thing or two about surveys and I can only assume that the sample used for the results of this one was epicure-heavy or desperate to impress.  Is this really a problem of the magnitude suggested by this poll?  I suppose it depends on the amount of salt…Anyway, this doesn’t apply to my situation, partly because I was in a bar and partly because the salt would be an unnecessary accompaniment to the Tabasco and Tommy K that I add to every meal as a matter of course.*

3. Getting drunk.

Oh, come on now.  We’re talking about a first date here.  I guess there’s a difference between ‘Dutch courage’ drunk and ‘Crimewatch’ drunk.  Singing songs about pixies probably won’t endear you to your prospective better half.  Nevertheless, on reflection, I’m quite glad that the attempt at sober speed dating was cancelled due to circumstances beyond my control.  On top of which, when it did happen, my first ‘date’ insisted that we go straight to the bar for vodka shots, so it can’t be universally frowned upon.

4. Licking the plate clean.

Well it saves on washing up I suppose.  Seriously, did the people polled simply mention whatever their vivid imaginations could conjure up or have they actually encountered these gaffes?  The mind boggles.  Given that I saw off the vodka without then fishing for the last drop, I believe I passed this test.

5. Burping.

A geographical minefield this one, with China, Korea and Bahrain cited as countries in which it is considered polite.  But, as far as first dates are concerned, you’d probably want to err on the side of caution.  Despite meeting a girl who makes regular business trips to China I managed to control this particular impulse, regardless of lager consumption.  After all, suppression is the better part of valour.  Or something.

6. Picking teeth with fingers.

What, with a perfectly serviceable knife available?  I can only marvel at the lack of self-consciousness indicated in this list.  Um…I managed not to do this too.

7. Licking the knife. 

Ah, that’s where the knife comes in.  It’s a bit of a dilemma to be fair. Do you: a) try as hard as you can to impress using your charm and sophistication, thereby securing a second date, or b) try equally hard to get at that last bit of gravy that’s clinging to your cutlery?  So many conundrums for the 21st century suitor.

8. Slurping soup.

We’ve pretty well moved away from talking about the speed-dating task now haven’t we?  In general, on a first date, it’s probably best just to order something other than soup.

9. Talking about sex or bodily functions.

And I should think so too.  That’s got to be second or even third date territory. 

10. Not leaving a tip.

Well it would be rude to leave the subject of speed dating without Tad’s Top Tips:

i) You get a card on which to note names and comments.  Use it well.  Trusting ones memory in this situation is fanciful at best.

ii) Three minute conversations are, not surprisingly, over very quickly.  Many follow the pattern of ‘who you are’, ‘where you’re from’ and ‘what you do’ and then that’s all folks.  Coming up with an original question early on could make all the difference.

iii) The whole experience is intense, anything you can do to relax will help.  This may include vodka shots. 

iv) Hang around afterwards.  This is where it really starts, everyone is feeling an element of relief and the opportunity to unwind and chat without waiting for a bell to ring is gratefully seized.

v) Enjoy it.  It’s actually quite good fun.

* Please note that I don’t add Tabasco and ketchup to every meal as a matter of course.  Or, in fact, any meal.  I was brung up proper.